"Par Le Vous Englais?"
A Montrealer Exposé

By Larry Dressell, Foreign Correspondent

"Yes, sometimes, can you?" This flippant quip came from behind glass in response to my drawling simulacrum of French. I laughed nervously when I saw the subway ticket man was amused by my discomfort. "Oui," I gurgled with just enough insouciance to invoke Pepe Le Pew, I could play this game. After a few more verbal chides were exchanged, I had finally purchased tickets for my party of four to board the subway en route to the Montreal Biodome.

The biodome was a 'green' euphemism for our true Montreal destination, St. Catherine's street. There, for blocks and blocks, one can enjoy a healthy selection of bars, gentlemen's clubs, and gravy (freedom) fries in a friendly European atmosphere. Though in reality Montreal is as close to Europe as the locals are close to being friendly, my Easter Break 2005 excursion was as culturally rewarding as a round of Jose Cuervo at the Hog's Breath.
Seriously, my call to Montreal came not only from tales of Bacchanalian pub-crawls and les petite Madames. Montreal is furthermore an outpost hearkening back to the Old World within a four-hour drive. While I am willing to tease at the American-loathing Montrealer stereotype, I found no significant difference in Montrealer attitudes than in any other city, big or small.

When traveling to Montreal, be aware that the language barrier gives locals an excuse to feign ignorance and write off the young, thirsty tourist as a dumb American. Also be aware that cultural symbols such as language play roles everywhere, even in Poultney. One can easily tell a GMC student vs. a Poltroon, I mean Poultneyite by age, saunter, attire, and dialect. Back To Vermont Pub even celebrates the great summer exodus by offering beer specials in a 'College Students Go Home' party. So as you enjoy your Molson fresh from the brewery just out of town, do not be put off by the attitudes of the Montrealers on the street, for they are as American as you and I.